My mom says that I should be a comedian, but she says other things as well.

She says, “Lena, that skirt it too short.” “Lena, you can’t eat plastic.” “Lena, stop talking about squirrels you see on college tours!”

Like it’s not my fault that squirrels will take over the government one day after I lead the mass extermination of geese, and that the squirrels on the VCU campus are ready to seize power.

I also love it when she says, “Lena, why did you wake up screaming?” when she knows for a fact I have no control over my night terrors. Sometimes my night terrors are horrific, and other times a child steals my donut. I wanna have that nightmare again, so I can punch that donut-thieving demon.”